I am a Danish-Norwegian American writer, teacher, and PhD candidate, and self-compassion touches everything I do. I write about it in my book, Out of Love: Finding Your Way Back to Self-Compassion. I write about it in my forthcoming dissertation, A Self-Compassion Narrative for Growth-Oriented Meaning in the Aftermath of an Adverse Event. I’m passionate about it because it changed my life, and I believe it can do the same for you.
I learned harsh self-criticism from a young age. For me, it manifests as perfectionism, worry, anxiety, and depression. In the course of my journey toward self-compassion, which began with the discovery of Kristin Neff’s research, I learned that all of my manifestations of self-criticism have to do with one core belief: I will never be good enough. In my book, Out of Love, I write about letting go of self-critical patterns and returning to self-compassion—”returning”, because I believe our natural state is self-compassion, while self-criticism is learned.
Self-compassion helped me survive and make sense of the devastating events of 2016 and 2017, which are the basis of my book, Out of Love: a breast-cancer diagnosis and double mastectomy, followed by the difficult decision to leave my husband of almost ten years and his subsequent suicide.
These were incredibly difficult experiences, which taught me how important it is to consider the stories you tell about yourself. For we all tell ourselves stories about who we are. Many of these stories are self-critical and disempowering. Through the practice of self-compassion, I’ve been able to shed many of my false narratives and become a more authentic, less self-critical, version of myself.
For my dissertation in Transformative Studies at California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS) in San Francisco, I am writing about the role of self-compassion in personal transformation. Change is not always easy. In fact, it can be quite messy. Self-compassion is vital for thriving during transitions, whether those we choose for ourselves or those thrust upon us. The more we can unlearn our self-critical tendencies, the more we can make positive changes in our lives.
When I’m not reading or writing, I like to sing and play the piano, hang out with my three amazing nephews, and go for long walks with my puppy, Orion.
